I'm Not that Mom

and maybe that's the point.

I have a dear friend who is constantly telling me, “I am not that mom!” It’s become a running joke between us. But this morning, as I sat and pondered the weight of those words, I began to think about all the things she is.

So let me start by explaining why she says she’s “not that mom.”

She’s the mom who can’t make it to class parties or award ceremonies. She’s the mom who can’t volunteer for Valentine’s Day, Halloween, or Christmas parties—or field trips of any kind. She’s the mom who misses “Muffins with Mom.” She forgets picture day, forgets to sign field trip forms, forgets to check her kids’ agendas, and sometimes struggles just to get them to school on time.We joke that she’s like Frankie Heck from The Middle—doing her best just to keep everything afloat.

But here’s what my friend fails to see.

She’s the mom who works full-time, gets paid by the hour, and is determined to build a better life for her family. She’s the mom who is changing the legacy of her parents—hardworking immigrants who picked tomatoes in the fields here in Florida.

She’s the mom who, after her full-time job, manages three additional businesses as an entrepreneur.

She’s the mom who will drop everything to help someone in need, modeling empathy and a servant’s heart for her daughters.

She’s the mom who has spa days with her girls. The one who is present. The one who glams them up for daddy-daughter dances. The one who does their manicures and pedicures. The one who takes them everywhere she goes and cuddles them at night.

She’s that mom.

And the truth is, even the moms who do all the things she feels she “fails” to do still feel inadequate. They still feel like they’re falling short.

There’s something about motherhood—honestly, about being a woman—that haunts us. It whispers that what we do is never enough. It pushes us into constant comparison with other moms, other women, who seem to be doing just a little more, just a little better. And often, we’re the ones doing it to ourselves.

But here’s the beauty in all of this:

God gives us grace.

Grace to fail. Grace to make mistakes. Grace to be lifted when we feel like we’re falling apart.

He loves us right where we are.

Because just as we are imperfect mothers doing our best, we are also imperfect daughters receiving His love every single day.

Motherhood will always tempt us with the thought, “I wish I would have…” It leaves us feeling like we could have done more. But maybe—just maybe—that’s God’s way of keeping us humble and reminding us to rely on His grace in this journey.

And here’s another beautiful truth:

My friend and I are very different, yet we make our friendship work. Ironically, her middle daughter is so much like me—which allows me to step in when needed.

That’s grace, too.

God provides through community. He gives us a tribe to help raise our children, because this journey is too heavy to carry alone.

So, if you find yourself saying, “I’m not that mom,” remember this:

None of us are. And yet, all of us are— in our own unique way, within the capacity and measure God has given us.

So let us pause and reflect on this promise:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

— Matthew 11:28–30