Distorted Reality: When the Bruises Are Invisible- One Woman’s Story of Hidden Domestic Abuse.

This story is shared on behalf of countless women whose bruises can’t be seen. Based on a true story, shared with permission.

Domestic violence is more than bruises or broken bones. According to the Department of Justice Office on Violence Against Women, it’s a pattern of behavior designed to gain or maintain power and control over a partner. It can be physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, economic, or technological. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone. Yet even with these clear definitions, making a case against an abuser, especially a narcissist, is complicated. They are skilled manipulators, making victims feel worthless, guilty, and dependent. Without physical evidence, victims often feel like they are guilty until proven innocent.

This is the story of a woman I’ll call Maria. I met her six years ago while co-leading a women’s Bible study group. At first, she seemed shy and hesitant, like many women entering a new group. But then a pattern became clear. Every meeting, her phone alarm,“Find My Phone,”would go off repeatedly. She would step out, make a call, and leave shortly after. Over time, she confessed: her husband only allowed her to leave the house for church and back.

It became clear that Maria was living in a controlled environment.

The Perfect Mask

Maria met her husband online while living in Colombia. At the time, she was a single mother of two boys, working hard to provide for her family. After two years of marriage and residing in Colombia, he brought her and her children (ages 8 & 17) to the United States, where his controlling behavior escalated. He spoke English and Spanish; she spoke only Spanish. He controlled the finances, belittled her, and made her feel like she was worthless.

He used Bible scriptures to manipulate her, presenting himself as a devout Christian while secretly exerting emotional cruelty. In one shocking moment, despite Maria, her mother, and her son, contracting COVID-19, he forced them out of the house. That was the first time I fully realized the extent of the abuse she endured.

Psychological and Financial Abuse

Maria’s husband closely monitored her every movement. She could attend church or Bible study only under strict supervision, and if she missed a call, the “Find My iPhone” alarm would sound until she responded. He carried a weapon in the home, using it to intimidate her. On a couple of occasions pointing the gun to her head then to himself and forcing her to ask for forgiveness on her knees.

Education, finances, and independence were systematically sabotaged. After enrolling in cosmetology school, he promised to pay her tuition with funds from refinancing their home but routinely withheld money, took away the car keys, and prevented her from attending school unless she obeyed him. Once, after becoming angry for her extended school hours, he claimed to have thrown away her cosmetology kit. In tears, she called me, and a friend and I spent hours driving through nearby neighborhoods searching dumpsters for her school kit. The next day, after she begged for forgiveness, he returned the kit, he had hidden it in his vehicle the entire time.

His financial control was relentless. At times, she had no access to funds for food, transportation, or medical care. There was a time I had to collect her paychecks in my name because he would take the money if it went into their account. Even small acts, like watching my dogs for cash to pay for gas or tuition, became ways to help her survive. This wasn’t hardship, it was a deliberate tactic to keep her dependent, fearful, and trapped.

Physical and Emotional Control

Maria’s physical and emotional health deteriorated. There were times she was drowsy, incoherent, and disoriented because he gave her his prescription medications, apparently to help her rest or sleep.  When she broke her foot, one of our group members, a physician, provided her with medical care.

 Maria stopped dressing nicely to avoid angering him and eventually stopped attending Bible study and church. By September 2025, Maria confided in me that she had considered suicide. She was desolate and didn’t see the value of living. She feared for her life and wanted a divorce, but he repeatedly threatened to kill her and then himself if she left.

Taking Action

Finally, on October 1, 2025, with support from our women's small group, Maria was able to take action. We raised funds so she could rent a truck to move her belongings and cover essential needs. Even now, as she attempts to rebuild her life she lives with deep fear and emotional trauma. She has nothing, completely dependent on the support of friends for basic needs.

Why She Stayed

Maria’s story reflects why so many women remain trapped: the abuser is a master manipulator. Narcissists are charming in public, abusive in private, and skilled at twisting reality. A crafty con-artist who gains people’s sympathy, playing victim and always blaming others. They control finances, isolate victims, blame them for everything, deny facts, and make their partners question their memory, sanity, and self-worth. 

For those of you who know me, empathy is one of my top five strengths, making it impossible for me not to help those in need. Justice is another strength, driving me to fight for those who can’t. As a friend, this has affected me tremendously. Not only physically, but emotionally. If my friend didn’t answer, I immediately thought she was dead. The effects it has had on our group of friends were real too.

I once reached out to a police officer and presented Maria’s case, hoping to expose her husband’s cruel, calculated manipulation. The officer’s words crushed me:

"If the victim doesn’t want to be the victim, there’s nothing we can do. Be there for her, but you can’t get her out unless she wants to."

Two years after that conversation, Maria was still trapped. She felt compassion for him, guilt for leaving, and total dependence. Not speaking English made it even harder. He refused to help her pursue citizenship after 14 years of marriage, threatening to report her to ICE, even though she was a legal resident. A generous friend paid for her naturalization without his knowledge. She believed he could change, clinging to promises made after nights of whiskey and rage.

Like Maria, countless women live in fear, trapped with a master “chess player” who knows how to play every move, leaves no visible marks, controls everything while sending apologetic, carefully written texts to avoid leaving evidence. A con artist who uses his public servant titles to elicit compassion from others. A man who inflicts pain on himself and threatens his victim that he will accuse her of abuse.

As I navigate this dark valley with my friend, and this rollercoaster of emotions, I have nothing but deep compassion and sorrow for women who have endured an abusive narcissist. At the same time, I admire the courage and last bit of strength to finally whisper, "Enough." My beloved friend is in her mid-50s and feels as if the best years of her life have passed and her future is uncertain. It will take time to rebuild a life from the inside out, but not impossible. She's not alone and neither are you!

I will never fully understand what it is like to be in your situation or the extent of the damage caused. However, as a friend and woman who cares deeply for others, I want you to know that I hurt with you and your pain affects me deeply. This is not your fault! In fact, research on trauma and the impact it has on the brain showed that in situations of extensive fear, Broca’s area, the part of the brain responsible for speech, can shut down resulting in many women unable to “speak up” during abuse (Van der Kolk, 2014). In addition, the prefrontal cortex, responsible for logic, planning, and self-control, becomes less active during trauma resulting in abused women not capable of making difficult or logical decisions; feeling stuck or paralyzed; feeling shame and making it hard to think rationally (Van der Kolk, 2014). Furthermore, the hippocampus, the part of the brain responsible for storing and organizing memories, can shrink under prolonged trauma. This explains why, as I was writing this story and recalling some of the moments my friend endured through my eyes, she struggled to remember many of them. She could not fully grasp that she was the woman in the story, unable to recognize the behavior as abusive or abnormal.

Beloved, this is not a sign of moral weakness for staying or not leaving sooner. It is a sign that your brain has been in survival mode and it the process, you lost your identity and worth.

Let me Speak into Your Life

To the woman brought to another country without knowing her rights, to the woman who is being threatened by her immigration status, to the woman who is being silenced and ignored by not speaking the native language of the land, to the woman who allowed someone else to strip her of her identity and worth, to the woman who lost the courage to speak up, stand up for herself, and fight; to the woman who doesn’t realize she is the victim, to the woman who thinks she can’t do it without him, let me be the first one to tell you that YOU are loved, YOU are worthy, YOU are not invisible, YOU don't deserve this life, and I pray that one day YOU have the strength and courage that’s  buried  deep in your soul to get out and live in freedom.  There are people who love you and are waiting for you to take the first step. You are so loved, please seek help and build a tribe. 

"Do not fear, for I have called you by name and you are mine." Isaiah 43:1

Call to Action

• If you feel moved to contribute to my friend's " Go Fund Me," I would truly appreciate it. Fundraiser by Diana Villa : Help Rebuild a Life After Hidden Abuse

• Please share with as many women as possible. Let's create awareness for this type of abuse.

• If you recognize this type of pattern in your relationship, please seek help and gather every bit of evidence you can get.

• If you have resources that you know of, please share.

• If we can do anything to help you, please reach out.

• If you are going through this alone and need friends, please reach out.

• And for those of us who have never walked the walk: don't judge, be there; listen, love and don't give up.

With much love to all the women being silenced and mistreated,

Diana

P.S- And to my tribe, thank you for being the hands and feet of Jesus.